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This is post is relevant to you if you're a TVD fan and/or a voracious consumer of all things creative. If you're not familiar with the character 'Alaric Saltzman' on The Vampire Diaries, he's a borderline alcoholic highschool history teacher with a past, who moonlights as a vampire hunter. Phew. During the course of the series, his black and white outlook towards the supernatural changes, as does his role(s) in the grand scheme of things. Portrayed by Matt Davis, Alaric is in a word, awesome. Who's even more awesome than Alaric, is Matt Davis himself (or should I say his pseudonym Ernesto Riley). A few months ago, I discovered his tumblr page entitled 'Ernesto's Starship' at http://ernestoriley.tumblr.com/. It's nothing short of a total trip. ANYWAY, the point of this extensive preamble was to set up the context of this blog post. Ernesto Riley writes some trippy shit. And he writes it extraordinarily well, with a creepy understanding of the human psyche. Below is a compilation of 'The Alaric Chronicles'- a series of fascinating interactions between various characters from The Vampire Diaries. I've listed them from oldest to latest. Click on the dates in the titles to read them directly from Ernesto's page. Enjoy :D
The nights football game now over, all that remains is a cheerleader who sits atop the hood of her car. She is lit by a street lamp under which she is parked. She appears to be waiting for someone.
Off in the distance, parked in the shadows, an old truck. Alaric’s truck to be exact.
INT. ALARIC’S TRUCK-
Sitting quietly, Alaric scans a dark field just beyond where the girl sits on the hood of her car…
Just then, doors to the auditorium break open, and out walks a boy wearing a letterman jacket. A gym bag slung over his shoulder, he walks the distance to where the girl sits waiting. Alaric watches the situation.
EXT. PARKING LOT
As the boy nears the car, the girl springs into his arms.
GIRL: Oh my god, you were so amazing tonight! Congratulations, baby.
She plants kisses all over his beaming face.
INT. ALARIC’S TRUCK
Alaric continues to scan the field just behind the kissing couple.
EXT. PARKING LOT- NIGHT
The boy drops his duffle bag, and the playful kissing quickly turns into a heavy make-out. He presses her up against the car, pulling her legs up over his hips. His body grinding into hers.
INT. ALARIC’S TRUCK
Alaric’s eyes are still focused on the field just beyond the couple.
EXT. PARKING LOT
As the young couple continue to kiss passionately, the boy reaches down to unbuckle his pants. Its at that moment she suddenly she pushes him off…
GIRL: Stop.
BOY: Wait, why?! What’s wrong??
GIRL: I’m sorry Jason, but can we just cool it down a bit, please? Its a little too fast. And I really don’t want my first time to be up against a car in the parking lot of a school…
BOY: Why the hell not??!
GIRL: Really, Jason?? I’m sorry I have a higher expectation for my first time.
Boy throws his hands up in the air, exasperated.
BOY: You’re right. I’m sorry. I‘M SORRY.
The Boy sighs to himself
BOY (CONT’D): Its just when you kiss me like that I get lost sometimes…
He smiles at her, and pulls her in for another kiss. She resists.
GIRL: I’m sorry, J. I get caught up in it too, believe me. I want to be with you. And when the time is right, its gonna be perfect… But its late now, and I’ve got to get home. I don’t want my mom to worry…
She leans in for one last kiss goodnite…
INT, ALARIC’S TRUCK
As Alaric watches the scene between the two students unfold, his gaze slowly drifts up the street lamp under which their car is parked. We follow his POV up until we see, hanging upside down, high above them, a hideous figure. Its face stretched and distorted. Its skin waxy and pale. Fangs jut from its twisted mouth. Its eyes, black as night, watch the young students below…
ALARIC: Nosferatu…
Alaric looks over to his passenger seat. There, on it, we see an old baseball bat with wooden spikes sticking out at every angle. Next to that we see a samurai sword in a simple wooden sheath.
EXT. PARKING LOT
BOY: No, Its cool. I get it, Kate… I’ll just go and take another cold shower…
Swoop… The demonic looking figure drops down from above, behind the two kids. It slowly stands up revealing itself
(O.S.)
Dude, you are pathetic. You gonna let that little slut play you like that?
The kids turn around to see standing there, not a demonic freak show, but rather a pale and gaunt looking punk kid in his early 20’s. He wears a black leather jacket. His face normal except for his pitch black eyes, and ghostly white skin.
VAMP PUNK: I always hated girls like you. Thinking your precious virginity actually meant something…
BOY: Who are you?
VAMP PUNK: That doesn’t really matter anymore…
Vamp Punk slowly pulls from his jacket a old straight razor caked in dried blood.
GIRL: What is that?
VAMP PUNK: It’s a lollypop.
BOY: Hey asshole, back off.
Vamp Punk’s vamp face flashes in anger.
VAMP PUNK: Or what?
GIRL: Oh my god, Please dont hurt us.
Vamp punk closes in slowly
VAMP PUNK: Don’t worry. It only hurts in the beginning.
(O.S.)
Excuse me. You know how to change a flat tire?
Vamp Punk spins around.
VAMP PUNK: Huh?
CRACK! Alaric smashes the spiked baseball bat straight down onto the head of Vamp Punk. Vamp Punk drops to his knees screaming in agony. The bat is deeply embedded into his skull. Blood sprays everywhere. Alaric then calmly draws out his samurai sword, murmurs something to himself, and in one fluid slash, lops off vamp punks head. It drops to the ground, its face frozen it a silent scream, the bat still sticking from its forehead. Alaric quickly pulls out a wooden stake from his boot, and jams it deep into the chest of the headless body. The headless body then slumps to the ground next its bodyless head.
The kids huddled against the car in a stunned silence, look to see Alaric covered in blood. They begin screaming…
Alaric pulls out an aerosol can and sprays both kids in the face. They instantly pass out… Alaric looks to his watch, and presses a button that begins a 10 min countdown.
We fade out…
10 minutes later
The kids, who sit with their backs propped up against the car, begin to stir. As their eyes begin to open and adjust, they see Alaric. Only now he’s not covered in blood. In fact, he’s sanitized the whole area. The body is gone. Its as if the gore fest never even happened…
Alaric lowers to one knee. Eye level with the groggy kids.
Close-up on Alaric’s eye as it dilates to complete black.
ALARIC: Listen to me. Neither one of you will remember any of this in the morning. You will awake refreshed and happy, as tho nothing ever happened…
Alaric pivots as if to go, then stops. He turns back to the kids
You will also behave, and pay attention in my class. Okay?
They both nod.
And when that time comes that you two sleep together, you’ll respect each other, and use protection. Do you understand me?
Under total compulsion by Alaric
BOY/GIRL: We understand…
ALARIC : Now, repeat after me… And so it is. It is done.
BOY/GIRL: And so it is. It is done.
ALARIC: Good. Now, go home and go to sleep. Tomorrow your lives will continue as if this night never happened.
As Alaric’s eyes return to normal, we jump back to a wide shot of the parking lot. We watch from this distance as Alaric stands up and walks back to his truck. He gets in. Starts it up. He drives away.
We fade to black, as Led Zeppelin’s , Dazed & Confused, begins to Play.
This begins the opening tile sequence for…
The Alaric Chronicles
Jeremy sits at the counter reading as Alaric enters.
Alaric: Any eggs left?
Jeremy: Think so.
[Alaric goes to the fridge and piers in.]
Alaric: Whatcha readin?
Jeremy: Some book on Buddhism.
[Alaric pulls out a carton of eggs, and some OJ. He crosses to the counter and sets them down.]
Alaric: Buddhism huh?
Jeremy: Yeah. You know much about it?
Alaric: A little bit.
Jeremy: It’s pretty far out, don’t you think?
[Alaric smiles at this.]
Alaric: I guess so.
Jeremy: Can I ask you a question?
Alaric: Shoot.
Jeremy: Do you believe in reincarnation?
Alaric: With, or without the ring?
Jeremy: Without.
Alaric: Yes I do.
Jeremy: So if you believe in reincarnation without the ring, why do you wear it?
Alaric: Karma.
Jeremy: What do you mean, karma?
Alaric: You haven’t gotten to that part yet?
Jeremy: It’s when what you do comes back to you. Good, or Bad.
Alaric: Thats right. And so what do you do when you have bad karma?
Jeremy: I don’t know. What?
Alaric: You have to burn it off.
Jeremy: What do you mean, burn it off?
Alaric: As you learn to become a man, Jeremy; you’ll be faced with increasing challenges. Your ability to meet these challenges with courage and grace determines the rate at which you convert bad karma into good.
Jeremy: So why does it burn?
Alaric: Because courage and grace are always forged in a fire.
[Jeremy takes this in a moment.]
Jeremy: So, you’re saying that ring is your bad Karma?
Alaric: That’s right.
Jeremy: Do Vampires have karma?
Alaric: You bet your ass they do.
Jeremy: How do they burn it off?
Alaric: That’s where I come in.
[There’s a still moment between them.]
Alaric: I want you to think about a question and give me an answer tonight.
Jeremy: What is it?
Alaric: What’s the difference between being Eternal and being Immortal?
Jeremy: I don’t know.
Alaric: Well now you have the day to think about it…
To be continued…
Damon walks Elena to school.
Elena: Who’s John Lennon?
[Damon stops]
Damon: What did you just ask me?
Elena: John Lennon. Who is he?
Damon: Jesus Christ, Elena. Please tell me you’re joking.
[Elena looks at him.]
Elena: It was an ernest question, Damon.
Damon: Holy shit.
Elena: Whatever, Damon.
[ Elena turns to walk off.]
Damon: Elena, stop.
[Elena turns back.]
Damon: You really don’t know who John Lennon is?
Elena: Damon, please. Who is he?
[Damon pauses]
Damon: You’ve never heard of the Beatles?
Elena: They had a TV show, right?
Damon: No. You’re thinking of the Monkeys.
Elena: No. I’m pretty sure they had their own TV show.
Damon: No, Elena. They did not have their own TV show. They were a rock band. One of the greatest rock bands of all time. If not thee greatest.
Elena: You’re positive they didn’t have their own TV show.
[Damon, frozen.]
[Elena looks at Damon]
Elena: I’m kidding, Damon. Do you really think I’m that stupid?
The White Album is one of my all time favorite records.
[Damon at a loss.]
Elena: Stefan would know that… Forget it, Damon. I’ll walk myself to school.
[Elena pivots, and walks off.]
To be continued…..
Alaric and Damon approach the top of the ninth hole… They each fish out the appropriate club… Damon t’s up and strikes the ball. It hits the green a few yards from the hole…
Alaric: I don’t get it.
Damon: Don’t get what?
Alaric: How old are you, Damon?
Damon: Pushing two-hundred. Why?
Alaric: I’m thirty-six years old.
Damon: And?
Alaric: And the idea of dating an eighteen year old girl, to me, seems absolutely horrible. I mean, what could they possibly know about life that would make spending any time with them remotely interesting?
[Damon considers this….]
Alaric: I mean, of all the things you’ve seen, all you’ve experienced, why Elena? Is it just because she looks like Kathryn? That can’t be all. Shit Damon, she didn’t even know who the Beatles were until I played her The White Album just the other day….
[Damon becomes reflective….]
Alaric: I’m sorry to bring it up. I just worry about her, you know. I’m concerned that as you and your brother chase down your youth, you’re robbing her of her own… Do you really love her, or are you just afraid to let go?
[Damon looks at Alaric as Alaric t’s up….]
Alaric: FORE!!!
[Alaric winds up and strikes the ball. It sales through the air finally landing on the green a couple of feet from the hole…. Alaric puts away his club and gathers up his bag.]
Alaric: I’ll see ya down there.
[We slowly push in on Damon, lost in Alaric’s point. When…]
Damon: What would you do?
[Alaric stops, turns around, takes a moment.]
Alaric: I don’t know what time feels like as an Immortal , Damon… But if I were you, Id wait.
Damon: Wait for what?
Alaric: Wait until she’s older. Wait until she’s loved other people. Wait for her taste in music to grow… If you still love her in twelve years, and the times right for her, make an appearance. In the meantime, if you really love her, see if you can do it from a distance. Watch over her. Protect her. Give her space to grow up. If you can do that for twelve years, and you still love her, then make a move…. If I had all the time in the world, thats what I would do.
[Damon takes this in as Alaric turns and makes his way down the green.]
To Be Continued….
2024….
Ext. Sacre Coeur - Moments before sunset….
Amidst a crowd of tourists and locals enjoying the view, we slowly push in on a beautiful woman looking up at the Basilica. She has long beautiful brown hair, and deeply intense brown eyes. She raises a camera up to her face and snaps a photo. She turns around and then frames up on a crowd of people watching the sun set, and takes another photo… She lowers the camera with a sense of ease and contentment, inspired by the view.
Elena: What do you say we get out of here?
We pan down to reveal a baby carriage with a beautiful baby fast asleep. Elena takes in the sleeping innocent….
Elena: Yeah, time to get you home.
Its then, just as the sun drops beneath the horizon, Elena hears her name whispered in her ear. Startled, she spins around to see who whispered her name. Only no one is there. Just a crowd of strangers milling about….
Chilled, her contentment fades to concern as we pull back, and back, and back, to reveal all of Paris giving way to the night….
To be continued….
Int. Klaus’s mansion -Late afternoon
Klaus paces back and fourth screaming into his iPhone 4s
Klaus: Jesus H Christ, Siri!!! For the fifth fucking time, I said Tyler Lockwood!!!
Siri: Got Wood, is an advertising reference to the CW show, The Vampire Diaries.
Klaus: Not bloody fucking, Got Wood! Tyler fucking Lockwood! you stupid moron!
Siri: Mormons, a cult like religion based out of Salt Lake City, Utah. Founded by Joseph Smith.
Klaus: Never fucking mind, Siri. I’ll do it myself.
In a huff, Klaus closes Siri, opens up the phone icon, scrolls through his contacts, stops at, My Little Bitch, and presses the dial button.
Cut to
Int. Tyler Lockwood’s room.
Tyler is in his bed, shirtless, laying on his back. His hands are behind his head which is slightly bobbing to the DubStep he’s listening to thru his headphones. His eyes are closed. He has a big smile on his face. Only we realize, as we slowly pull back, that Tyler is not alone. In fact, he’s in the middle of having sex with a cute little asian cheerleader, who sits atop him with her eyes closed while listening to her headphones…. The moment however, is broken when Tylers music is interrupted by the incoming call he receives from Klaus…. Tyler’s eyes go wide when he sees Klaus’s name.
Tyler: Oh shit!
Tyler quickly pushes off the cheerleader who falls to the other side of the bed. Tyler stands up into the foreground of our shot while we see the cheerleader poke her head up in the background from behind the bed…. Tyler answers.
Tyler: Klaus.
Klaus: You’re an hour late you stupid lummox. Now Ive missed my appointment.
Tyler: Im so sorry Klaus. I’ll be right there.
Klaus: Make it snappy. The mall won’t be open all day you know.
Klaus hangs up….
Tyler: Damnit!
Cheerleader: Is everything ok?
Just then Tyler gets a text from Klaus: NOW!!!!!!!!!!
Tyler: Yeah, I gotta go. Just let yourself out when my mom leaves.
Cheerleader: How long will that be?
Tyler: I have no idea. Just leave when you can.
Tyler puts on his jeans and a t-shirt, grabs his car keys off his nightstand. and heads out the door
To be continued….
Tyler slowly drives down an extremely long path that eventually leads to Klaus’s mansion. Tyler, finally pulls up outside and parks. He gets out of his car and stops. Realizing that one of the massive front doors to the home is wide open, he slowly approaches and pokes his head inside.
Tyler: Klaus?
We hear Klaus from down the hall.
Klaus: Im in the sitting room.
Tyler makes his way down a long corridor until he finally reaches the sitting room. He turns and looks inside. There we find Klaus looking rather relaxed in a white bathrobe and pink slippers. He has one leg crossed over the other as he sits upon a rather large 17th century Baroque style couch. His arms are draped comfortably over the back. Tyler notices that in one hand Klaus holds a dog collar, and in the other, a bag of doggy treats. And there before Klaus, on the floor, are placed two huge doggy bowls. One is filled with water, the other is piled high with wet dog food.
Tyler: Klaus, Im sorry Im late.
Klaus: Come in, Tyler. Close the door behind you.
Tyler hesitates…
Klaus: Do as you’re told.
Tyler closes the doors and slowly approaches Klaus.
Tyler: What’s all this about?
Klaus: I”m about to teach you a lesson in punctuality, Tyler. Now take off your shirt.
Tyler: Wait, what? Why?
Klaus: Do. As. You’re. Told.
Tyler, unable to resist, removes his shirt and throws it to the ground.
Klaus: Good.
Klaus then tosses the dog collar at Tyler which slides to his feet.
Klaus: Now put this on.
Tyler: Klaus, I said I was…
In a flash of rage Klaus is up on his feet.
Klaus: You are my dog, and you will do as you’re told!!! Now put on you collar.
Tyler trembles as he bends over to pick up the collar. Klaus watches with cold eyes as Tyler begins to put the collar on around his neck.
Klaus: Good. Now come here before me and get on your knees.
Tyler slowly approaches Klaus and does as he is told.
Klaus: Good sit.
Klaus reaches into the bag of doggy treats and plucks one out.
Klaus: Open your mouth.
Tyler does as he is told.
Klaus places the treat on Tyler’s tongue.
Klaus: You may now enjoy your treat.
Tyler closes his mouth and reluctantly begins to chew.
Klaus: Good boy. Now shake.
Tyler raises his right hand like a dog would… Klaus shakes Tyler’s hand like he would a dogs paw.
Klaus: Good boy.
Klaus pulls out another treat and places it in Tyler’s mouth. Tyler eats it. Klaus pats Tyler gently on the head.
Klaus: Now roll over.
Unable to resist, tears begin to well up in Tyler’s eyes, as he has no choice but to do as he is told….
Klaus: Good boy. Now Play dead.
Tyler does as he is told.
Klaus: Very Good! Now sit back up.
Tyler does as he is told.
Klaus: You must be thirsty. You may now drink from your bowl.
Tyler does as he is told.
Klaus: Now we will repeat this lesson until all these treats are gone, and all that food is eaten up. Do you understand me?
Tyler nods yes.
Klaus: Good. Now sit.
Tyler does as he is told.
Klaus: Good boy. I knew you’d get the hang of this.
The lesson indeed continues on and on as we slowly pull back on the room, which reveals an old grandfather clock in the corner. We then slowly push in on the clock which reads two-thirty, which then, showing a passage of time, morphs to four-thirty. We slowly pull from the clock and pan back over to the scene. Only now Klaus is sitting length wise on the couch reading the paper, as Tyler lies curled up in a ball on the ground next to the couch, face covered in dog food.
Klaus then checks his phone for the time.
Klaus: Oh good. We still have enough time to go to the mall. Now go clean your self up Tyler. We’ve got some shopping to do….
We fade out
To be continued…
Klaus happily listens to the Bee Gee’s, You Win Again, while Tyler drives him to the mall….
Tyler: What is this crap?
Klaus: This “crap” is the Bee Gee’s
Tyler: Yeah, well they suck.
Klaus turns off the stereo.
Klaus: Pull the car over, lummox.
Tyler does as he is told.
Klaus comfortably turns to face Tyler.
Klaus: Let me ask you a question Tyler.
Tyler: What?
Klaus: How many of your dub-step, pop-pirate, bullshit wannabe musician DJ’s, are in the Rock&Roll Hall of Fame? Hmm?
Tyler can’t think of an answer.
Klaus: That’s right. You can’t think of any because there aren’t any. You know who is in the Rock&Roll Hall of Fame? Hmm? The Bee Gee’s. You wanna know what it says about the Bee Gee’s in the Rock&Roll Hall of Fame? “Only Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Michael Jackson, Garth Brooks, and Paul McCartney have outsold the Bee Gee’s”
Tyler absorbs this
Klaus: That’s right. Let that sink in.
Tyler: Is That True?
Klaus: I never lie when it comes to music, Tyler. Now lets go to the mall.
Klaus turns the stereo back on, and we resume listening to the Bee Gee’s, You Win Again.
A young boy quietly enters his parents bedroom, and walks to the side where his mom sleeps. He whispers to his mother….
Young boy: Mom.
She begins to stir.
Young Boy: Mommy.
Her eyes begin to open in a sleepy haze.
Mom: Alaric? Sweetie, are u ok?
Alaric: There’s a vampire in my room.
Mom: What?
Alaric: There’s a vampire in my room.
Mom: Oh honey, you’re just having another nightmare. You wanna sleep in here with us tonight?
Alaric: He says he wants to talk to you.
Mom: Alaric, there’s no such thing as Vampires. You’re just having a bad dream.
Little Alaric shakes his no.
Alaric: He says you know him…. He says he’ll go away once he talks to you…..
Alaric’s mother slowly sits up. Skeptical.
Mom: Does this vampire have a name?
Little Alaric shrugs his shoulders.
Alaric: He didn’t say.
Alaric’a mother gets out of bed, and takes Alaric by the hand.
Mom: Well let’s go talk to this vampire….
They walk down the house’s dark hallway and stop at Alaric’s room. His mother slowly turns the knob on the door, and they enter…. As they enter the room they’re hit by a cold gust of air…. Alaric’s mother rushes to a window in his room that’s wide open, and struggles to close it….
Mom: Why did you open this?
Alaric: I didn’t.
Alaric points to a dark corner of the room….
Alaric: He did.
There in the shadows sits a figure, who’s glowing eyes smolder in the dark. The figure slowly rises….
Shadowy Vampire: Hello Suzan… It’s been a long time….
Before the vampire can step from the shadow,
Alaric’s alarm goes off….
Cut To:
Grown Alaric startles awake…
To Be Continued……
Ext. Mystic Falls Mall parking lot - Day.
Tyler and Klaus cruise the parking lot looking for a place to park..
Tyler: There’s one over there.
Klaus: No. It’s too far from the mall. Id prefer to be closer.
Tyler rolls his eyes.
Klaus: Just park right here.
Tyler: Thats a handicap spot.
Klaus: I know what it is, and I don’t care. Just pull in. I’ve got to get out this car.
Tyler: But I’m gonna get a ticket if I park there.
Klaus: I don’t care. Now, do as your told, and pull in.
Tyler freezes at the command…
Klaus turns to see Tyler glaring at him.
Klaus turns to see Tyler glaring at him.
Klaus: Do we need another training session? Hm? I said pull in. Now.
Against Tyler’s deepest will, he slowly parks the car in the handicap parking.
Klaus: Good boy. Now let’s go to Abercrombie& Fitch before they close. I wanna get some cologne. I’m fresh out.
Tyler: You wear cologne from Abercrombie& Fitch?
Klaus: Whats so wrong with cologne from Abercrombie& Fitch?
Tyler: Have you ever been into an Abercrombie& Fitch?
Klaus: Have you?
Tyler: Yes, I have. It’s totally gay. All those pictures with half naked dudes on the wall. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like that.
Klaus: Only people insecure with their sexuality say things like - that’s gay.
Tyler: What do you mean?
Klaus: If the image of a half naked man threatens you so much, it can only mean one thing.
Tyler: What?
Klaus: It means you’re threatened by the possibility you might get a little twinge of sexual excitement when you look at the beauty of a youthful male body. As opposed to appreciating its beauty for what it is, it triggers the fear that it could mean you’re are now “gay”. And who knows, maybe you are?
Tyler: I’m not gay!
Tyler: I’m not gay!
Klaus: Are you sure, Tyler? It seems to be a bit of a trigger for you.
Tyler: Well what the hell team are you playing for anyway??
Klaus: Tyler, at my age, sexual orientation is less a way of life and more of a mood swing. So don’t piss me off.
Tyler, at a loss for words.
Klaus: Oh lighten up, Tyler. It’ll be fun. Trust me.
Klaus smiles, and pats Tyler on the knee.
We fade out.
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